Somewhere along the way we as men stop pursuing our wives. A woman's design is to be pursued. They want to be captured by your love. Since the day a girl is about 7, they want a prince to rescue them. They want to feel like a beautiful princess. They need to feel special and lovely. They want to be rescued, feeling secure in your love for her. She wants to know your heart is soley for her.
It's the hunt of the game. When we first date and want to get to know a girl, we do whatever it takes to show how much we love them. We send them flowers, give them a card with words that exactly explains how you feel about them.
Do you remember staying up until the wee hours of the morning just talking? The world around you stops and all you can do is focus on the beautiful creation in front of you. Even if she talks for hours straight, you engage her with your eyes. Even if the conversation isn't that interesting to you, you know it means everything to her that you are listening. You would hold her and encourage her with positive words of affirmation.
Down the road you get married. You got your prize and the 'hunt of the game' stops. Why not? You got what you wanted. Then, everything about you that she loves starts to fade away. You have her now and the passion you once had for her diminishes. Your eyes start to wander around the room when she talks, or you won't look up from the newspaper(or computer) when she is talking to you. You brush her off with an "Uh- hum" or give her a quick answer so you can go back to what you were doing.
The flowers that would absolutely make her day- stops. The special message in a card- stops. The loving eye contact- stops. Her world of feeling secure and loved- stops. The girl who once felt like a beautiful princess, now feels second rate. She feels ordinary and feels taken advantage of.
Somewhere along the way, this princess you would guard with your life has taken on the role of a mother. Disheartened, she continues to cook, clean, and wash your clothes. Her passion for you starts to fade too. You once were a prince, now you are another 'responsibility' in her daily chores. The luster you once had in your marriage has turned into a "honey do" list and a discussion for the week's agenda.
Your wife, your lover, is your biggest ally. She is the help-mate God designed and gave to you. Just like Adam, God thought up the perfect match for your life. She desires to love you to her fullest. But, if you treat her like a mother, expecting her to keep up with the daily chores and take away the passion and the special gifts that once made her feel exclusive and important-- then no wonder her heart hardens and she starts talking to you like your mother. She becomes bitter, snappy with her words, demanding, and complaining often. Why is that? She's unhappy and is slowly dying inside.
She wants her prince back in her life. Your wife craves to be pursued again. She wants to know that you don't just see her as a 'cleaning machine', rather as a "help-mate".
Men, maybe you feel desperate and worn out. Maybe you feel like she doesn't appreciate you anymore. All you can do is fix the damage that is already done- before it's too late. Look back and see how you've failed as a loving husband. Look back and remember how you were able to capture your wife when you were dating-- and start doing them again.
Start with forgiveness. Let her know you've failed her. Let her know how much you appreciate her and love her. Let her know you will pursue her. Fulfilling her needs.
Never stop pursuing your lover. Guard her, fight for her love. . . do "whatever it takes"!
Honey, forgive me for failing you. I love you, but I can love you more. I will do "whatever it takes to turn this around". I haven't been the best husband and you deserve more. I promise to continue to pursue you and make you feel like the beautiful princess that you are. I will not stop fighting for our marriage. Thank you for your patience and endless love. Thank you for loving me for who I am and who I am becoming.