"Whatever It Takes" with Passion - Part 2

It's not just about romantic love. It goes deeper than that--it's about passion! It's about what "wowed" your wife when you were first dating. How your focus, your words makes her feel #1 in your life. I agree that in time a more deeper, mature love is built. A stronger bond and a firmer foundation on Jesus Christ is stablished. Just like a diamond, a marriage has many facets (sides) that can be touched on.

This post is touching on one facet- "Exclusive, Passionate Love." The fact that somewhere along the way, men start to get too comfortable- taking for granted what your wife does on a daily basis. She was once looked at as a blessing, now she looked at as 'expectation'. The gratitude is gone.

I remember when my wife first tried her hand in the kitchen. She didn't have a mom that taught her how to cook. She worked hard and tried new things. I remember thinking, "She is trying so hard to make a special meal for me." She was expressing her love in a tangible way. I remember making a big fuss at how good the food was (which it was and still is!) and being so thankful for her loving hands making dinner for me... and now our kids. Somewhere along the way, I stopped being so thankful. I mean, our family would bless the food, scarf it down like wolves and give an empty, traditional "thank you" to my wife after we were done eating.

Doesn't she deserve more? Doesn't God want us to always remember how much time and love she puts in to our lives?

Not just in meals, but in other areas of her life, I need to be specific in how I thank her. "Honey, the pork chops came out so tender- they're great!" "Honey, thank you for always doing the loads and loads of never-ending laundry. I appreciate you doing that for me and the kids."

Ephesians 5:25-28: "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage." (The Message)

My wife, just like a little girl who dances around in her pretty dress, is saying, "Look at me. I want to be noticed. See how lovely I am."

I was losing my wife to the fact that I stopped noticing. I stopped pursuing her. I stopped loving her the way I did when we were dating.
- The 5 second gaze and smile across the room to let her know I love her.
- Long conversations where I would just listen and not give her advice... just listen to her frustrations.
- To give her non-sexual touches. Kiss on the cheek. Reassuring hugs. Cuddling her on the couch or in bed.
- Coming home with flowers or leaving a special thank you card on the table.
- Tickling and laughing together.

If you don't continue to captivate your wife one of two things will happen:
1.) A long, empty life together. You will co-exist, but as Dr. Gary Chapman says, "Your love tanks will be empty."
2.) There will be bitterness, then resentment towards each other. Eventually, you will end in separation or divorce.

All I am saying is, as men there can be preventative medicine. The medicine is "Exclusive, passionate love." Growing and maturing together doesn't mean "child-like" passion or romance needs to fade away.

I would challenge any husband. If you started to do these things, you will find your wife coming back to you. Eventually, you will find her attitude and response towards you changing. The both of you will have a more secure love for each other. You will find her happier and wanting to do more for you, because you notice her- she feels loved and appreciated.

Mr. Webster(dictionary) defines the word 'Passion' as: intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction. From Latin pati; TO SUFFER.

Do you have intensified, driven love for your wife? Are you overwhelmed with emotion for your lover? Like Christ pursuing us with reckless abandon, we are told as husbands to do the same. Express your love with such conviction. Dazzle her with your words. Love her with such intensity that you will guard her and your marriage with your life- your whole being.

Pati; TO SUFFER. This means even when we don't feel like loving her or you don't think she deserves this kind of love- do it anyways! Fight for her. Bring her back to a place where there is Love and Respect in your marriage. Love her like no other and she will see a man worth respecting.

It's your calling by God to do "Whatever it takes"! The Passion of Christ has been to love us so greatly, to the point of emotionally and physically suffering on the cross. We don't deserve His love and many still reject Him and call Him names, but Jesus did it anyways! He took on brutality and pain-- ultimately, sacrificing His life because He loved us so deeply.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

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"Whatever It Takes"

Somewhere along the way we as men stop pursuing our wives. A woman's design is to be pursued. They want to be captured by your love. Since the day a girl is about 7, they want a prince to rescue them. They want to feel like a beautiful princess. They need to feel special and lovely. They want to be rescued, feeling secure in your love for her. She wants to know your heart is soley for her.

It's the hunt of the game. When we first date and want to get to know a girl, we do whatever it takes to show how much we love them. We send them flowers, give them a card with words that exactly explains how you feel about them.

Do you remember staying up until the wee hours of the morning just talking? The world around you stops and all you can do is focus on the beautiful creation in front of you. Even if she talks for hours straight, you engage her with your eyes. Even if the conversation isn't that interesting to you, you know it means everything to her that you are listening. You would hold her and encourage her with positive words of affirmation.

Down the road you get married. You got your prize and the 'hunt of the game' stops. Why not? You got what you wanted. Then, everything about you that she loves starts to fade away. You have her now and the passion you once had for her diminishes. Your eyes start to wander around the room when she talks, or you won't look up from the newspaper(or computer) when she is talking to you. You brush her off with an "Uh- hum" or give her a quick answer so you can go back to what you were doing.

The flowers that would absolutely make her day- stops. The special message in a card- stops. The loving eye contact- stops. Her world of feeling secure and loved- stops. The girl who once felt like a beautiful princess, now feels second rate. She feels ordinary and feels taken advantage of.

Somewhere along the way, this princess you would guard with your life has taken on the role of a mother. Disheartened, she continues to cook, clean, and wash your clothes. Her passion for you starts to fade too. You once were a prince, now you are another 'responsibility' in her daily chores. The luster you once had in your marriage has turned into a "honey do" list and a discussion for the week's agenda.

Your wife, your lover, is your biggest ally. She is the help-mate God designed and gave to you. Just like Adam, God thought up the perfect match for your life. She desires to love you to her fullest. But, if you treat her like a mother, expecting her to keep up with the daily chores and take away the passion and the special gifts that once made her feel exclusive and important-- then no wonder her heart hardens and she starts talking to you like your mother. She becomes bitter, snappy with her words, demanding, and complaining often. Why is that? She's unhappy and is slowly dying inside.

She wants her prince back in her life. Your wife craves to be pursued again. She wants to know that you don't just see her as a 'cleaning machine', rather as a "help-mate".

Men, maybe you feel desperate and worn out. Maybe you feel like she doesn't appreciate you anymore. All you can do is fix the damage that is already done- before it's too late. Look back and see how you've failed as a loving husband. Look back and remember how you were able to capture your wife when you were dating-- and start doing them again.

Start with forgiveness. Let her know you've failed her. Let her know how much you appreciate her and love her. Let her know you will pursue her. Fulfilling her needs.

Never stop pursuing your lover. Guard her, fight for her love. . . do "whatever it takes"!


Honey, forgive me for failing you. I love you, but I can love you more. I will do "whatever it takes to turn this around". I haven't been the best husband and you deserve more. I promise to continue to pursue you and make you feel like the beautiful princess that you are. I will not stop fighting for our marriage. Thank you for your patience and endless love. Thank you for loving me for who I am and who I am becoming.

Marriage Is a Wonderful Thing!

A very close friend of mine is getting married this Saturday. He has given me the honor of being a groomsman in his wedding. As I think back in the life of my friend and his steady love and obedience for God, he's been patiently waited for the right help mate. Yes, he has dated some good and godly girls (a couple not so good) = P . He has broken some hearts and I know he has been heart broken through the process of dating.

The point is, he's always been waiting for God's best for his life. Just like God gave Adam a help mate, my friend was waiting for the exact help mate that God intended for his life. I truly believe he has found her- or should I say, God has given her to him.

You see, my friend could have 'settled' (I've been there before). He could have 'settled' for someone who could fill the loneliness in his life. My friend could have 'settled' for someone who could meet some of his needs. He could have 'settled' for someone who could fill some of the voids in his life...

As I have watched his life over the years, he's been in search for the "right one", not just a filler. He's been waiting for the one who brings out the best in him. The one that will compliment his weaknesses. The one he can serve God with. Because of his patience, God has blessed him with a wonderful woman, who he will soon be able to call, Wife.

It will be exciting to see how their journey together begins and continues as they impact the lives around them, through Jesus Christ.


This is a great devotional and reminder to all who are married.
Ephesians 5:19-33: "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (NIV)

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All posts are the sole property of the Heart Like Jesus blog. You must obtain permission to use any of the information on this blog.