Funny Humor for Friday VII

What's in the Bible?

Pastor: Do you know what's in the Bible?
Attender: Yes. I think I know everything that's in it.
Pastor: You do? Please tell me.
Attender: OK. Notes I wrote to my wife to figure out lunch, a ticket from the dry cleaners, my business cards, and a Pizza coupon.

(That's pretty sad, actually)
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The Ten Commandments

A student in sunday school was asked to list the Ten Commandments in any order.
He wrote, "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7."
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The Fall

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden.

One of the boys asked, "What's that?"

Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."

(This is only humor - not pointing fingers) =P
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Signs You Are in a Bad Church

* Karaoke Worship Time.
* The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."
* No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.
* The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound".
* The church bus has iron bars on the windows.
* The Women's Quartet are all married to the pastor.
* There's an ATM in the lobby.


Have a great Friday!
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Giving Away Free Kisses

"I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me." Proverbs 8:17 (NASB)


On February 14th, "Valentine's Day", a team from our church gave out free "kisses" to people in the community- Hershey's kisses. It would have kept costs down if we randomly started kissing people in the community. That would leave an impression; not a good one. =P

It was such a great experience, because it's not very often that I can serve with my wife and kids. This was such a family-friendly outreach, it was really nice to see my daughter and wife get involved. My boys were involved too- they got into everything they could get their hands on (but that's a totally different story) =)

Our desire was to touch the lives around us with God's love. I am grateful to have a wife to share Valentine's with, but there are others where Valentine's reminds them of loneliness and broken relationships. With singleness, the loss of a loved one and with the divorce rate being so high, their is a need to let people know that someone loves them, most importantly, God loves them!

So we ventured out and went to different businesses in the area, passing out festive baggies with Hershey's Kisses inside. We would go up to them and say, "Here are a few kisses for you on Valentine's Day. God loves you!" If you could see the reaction on the people's faces! Pleasantly suprised... happy... one joked and said this was the only kind of "kisses" they would be getting on Valentine's Day. Out of 145 touches we only heard of 3-4 rejections, which is a very low percentage.

While we made people's days with such a simple gesture, there were a couple of people who really opened up to us about their brokeness. Sharing about the stress of life, the loss of a loved one, and their journey to find Truth in their lives. It was a privilege to listen as they shared their overwhelming burdens with us. We let them know that we will be praying for them. What a great opportunity to pray for their needs! "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 (NASB)

Outreach can be for the believers as well! We made extra baggies to pass out at church. Greeters stood by the door and gave out "kisses" to those attending the service. We intentionally hugged and gave "kisses" to those involved in ministry, letting them how much we love them and appreciate the hard work they do each Sunday for us. What an encouragement that was!

How can you show God's love in simple and practical ways?

Let someone know you appreciate them. Let them know you recognize their work ethics, their friendship or how they have influenced your life.

Tell someone God loves them. This is for those who are not a face-to-face kind of person: The next time you are at a restaurant, tip the waiter/waitress more than the ordinary 15% - 20% and write a note that says, "Thank you for such great service - God loves you!"

Another idea: Whenever you get pizza delivered to your door. Don't just tip them a few bucks- give them $5.00 - $6.00 and either hand them a card, a note or just verbally express that God loves them!

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All posts are the sole property of the Heart Like Jesus blog. You must obtain permission to use any of the information on this blog.

Funny Humor for Friday VI

Dead Lawyer

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.

On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.' "
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Atheist Teacher

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because, I'm not an atheist.

"Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a Christian."

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.

"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly."What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"

Lucy paused, smiled and said, "Then, I'd be an atheist!"
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BOSS

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next parrot on the perch."That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system."

Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot."That one costs 2,000 dollars."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"


SMILE, GOD LOVES YOU!

Have a great weekend!

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All posts are the sole property of the Heart Like Jesus blog. You must obtain permission to use any of the information on this blog.

Peace and Rest for Your Soul

"In You" - MercyMe

About 7 months ago, this blog came into existence in allowing you to find a place to stop and rest. It's a compilation of great biblical insight, humor and food for your soul. The internet is full of bad news and views. I want to share with you the Good News! The focus has been to encourage you in taking a moment to think about God. The Creator of the universe and the One who shaped you- breathing life into you. Learning about this loving God who sent His Son, Jesus, to rescue us out of our current hurts and our past pains.

This song is the fingerprint of what this blog is all about. Jesus said, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 (NASB)

In Jesus, you can find peace and rest for your soul, eternally.

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." vs. 29-30

Thanks to all who visits the blog regularly. Together, we can share in the experiences of our Rescuer and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

~Spread the Word!

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All posts are the sole property of the Heart Like Jesus blog. You must obtain permission to use any of the information on this blog.

"$20.00 Bill"

This story has been sweeping the internet. A few weeks back our Pastor presented this illustration in church. It is very uplifting and the truth of the matter is very powerful. Take time to read it- it will really make you think about how God sees and values you.

$20 Dollar Bill

"A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, 'Who would like this $20 bill?' Hands started going up.

He said, 'I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.'

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, 'Who still wants it?' Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, 'What if I do this?' And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. 'Now, who still wants it?' Still the hands went into the air.

'My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.

You are special- Don’t EVER forget it.' "


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All posts are the sole property of the Heart Like Jesus blog. You must obtain permission to use any of the information on this blog.